Something to Think About

Some Jokes from the Late Phyllis Diller -

• I realized on our first anniversary that my marriage was in trouble. My husband gave me luggage. It was packed! 
• I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then boo! 
• I never made Who's Who, but did make What's That?! 
• I spent two hours today at the beauty salon--and that was just for the estimate! 
• I'm so ugly, I once worked as a lampshade in a whorehouse! 
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight! 
• A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once! 
• Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room! 
• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them! 
• My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee! 
• Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? 
• Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves! 
• You know you're old when your blood type is “Discontinued!” 
• You know you're old when your walker has an airbag! 
• The best contraceptive for old people is nudity! 
• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing! 
• The real reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you! 
• Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle: keep away from children!